bruise pristine

the colour has faded now.

the mottled brown and yellow glowing like natural leopard print coloured skin around the bright white slash of a line.

blunt force trauma around slicing pain, a beautiful aesthetic tribute to...... to something.......

!would it be foolish to get leopard print tattooed around the scars on my arm?)

thinking on this, and staring at once was so pretty, over and around something that once was so necessary for survival i think back to the 'body image' book launch. i wasn't prepared to read what i read. i chose something easier. but when it came to it, some inate need to be understood took over and i heard the more powerful words come out of my mouth. i still remember how proud i felt when the audience laughed where they should have laughed, with me, not at me; no pitying looks, no staring at the freak.

'bad anger management' was the line that got them. i was angry then.

(i am angry now, i have been angry for as long as i can rememeber. i don't know why, i have never known why. anger drives me to punching people. yes only when they let me. i have started doing this more again lately. this is.... worrying......)

i am angry today. biting my tongue. it is only work. it doesn't matter. i shouldn't be *this* wound up.

bruise pristine

the colour has faded now.

the mottled brown and yellow glowing like natural leopard print coloured skin around the bright white slash of a line.

blunt force trauma around slicing pain, a beautiful aesthetic tribute to...... to something.......

!would it be foolish to get leopard print tattooed around the scars on my arm?)

thinking on this, and staring at once was so pretty, over and around something that once was so necessary for survival i think back to the 'body image' book launch. i wasn't prepared to read what i read. i chose something easier. but when it came to it, some inate need to be understood took over and i heard the more powerful words come out of my mouth. i still remember how proud i felt when the audience laughed where they should have laughed, with me, not at me; no pitying looks, no staring at the freak.

'bad anger management' was the line that got them. i was angry then.

(i am angry now, i have been angry for as long as i can rememeber. i don't know why, i have never known why. anger drives me to punching people. yes only when they let me. i have started doing this more again lately. this is.... worrying......)

i am angry today. biting my tongue. it is only work. it doesn't matter. i shouldn't be *this* wound up.

(no subject)

in other news, i appear to be on some godawful spam mailing list that sends me info about buying houses and mortgages etcetc.

potentially useful, you might think, except that it is all about the USA. and it sends out 5 million emails a day, each from a different address, so me blokcing em does sweet f.a.

ba$tards....

woke up this morning to a sparse room and the joy at having to wake up two people to go to work. i have found my vocation! i don't know why it gives me such satisfaction, but it does.

neurotic.

yesterday was spent asleep for the most part, getting up at two to finish sorting out moving furniture (the bedroom ceiling should be on the floor by now), watching 'la haine' (ah jesus, i must have been drunk the first time i saw it because i remembered NOTHING and how on EARTH could i fall asleep in such a fantastic film?!!! ace ace ace.), and wandering off to islington to see some free bands. one of whom did indeed just play 'house of jealous lovers' 7 times. they may as well have done. it would have been better..... one of whom was kaito, who dan liked more than me before, but they seem more shouty and rhythm-y than before, which makes me like them a big heap of lots......saw selfish cvnt briefly. i think i would have loved them (to watch, not musically) if my head wasn't aching from the drum machine and my eyes weren't sleepy. i went home.

saturday was spent mostly tidying and faffing, before meeting with my pal tasha for some drinks in a bar and then blow up. blow up didn't happen (postponed til further notice!) as she had some friends elsewhere and we went to meet them. at kaleidoscope. i have not been to an indie indie club for ever, and i now remember why.

cheap booze= a good thing
friendly people= a good thing
desperate indie boy trying to chat me up = an entertaining thing (as i left - 'don't go! you're really cool!' Hah! i know that, i don't need you to tell me, gimp.....
indie indie music constantly = seriously. no. i prefer a bit of a change now and then.

i shall not be going back in a hurry!

navigated night buses myself and was home by 4.30, despite dubious group of youths on the corner of my road. harmless banter.

(no subject)

in other news, i appear to be on some godawful spam mailing list that sends me info about buying houses and mortgages etcetc.

potentially useful, you might think, except that it is all about the USA. and it sends out 5 million emails a day, each from a different address, so me blokcing em does sweet f.a.

ba$tards....

woke up this morning to a sparse room and the joy at having to wake up two people to go to work. i have found my vocation! i don't know why it gives me such satisfaction, but it does.

neurotic.

yesterday was spent asleep for the most part, getting up at two to finish sorting out moving furniture (the bedroom ceiling should be on the floor by now), watching 'la haine' (ah jesus, i must have been drunk the first time i saw it because i remembered NOTHING and how on EARTH could i fall asleep in such a fantastic film?!!! ace ace ace.), and wandering off to islington to see some free bands. one of whom did indeed just play 'house of jealous lovers' 7 times. they may as well have done. it would have been better..... one of whom was kaito, who dan liked more than me before, but they seem more shouty and rhythm-y than before, which makes me like them a big heap of lots......saw selfish cvnt briefly. i think i would have loved them (to watch, not musically) if my head wasn't aching from the drum machine and my eyes weren't sleepy. i went home.

saturday was spent mostly tidying and faffing, before meeting with my pal tasha for some drinks in a bar and then blow up. blow up didn't happen (postponed til further notice!) as she had some friends elsewhere and we went to meet them. at kaleidoscope. i have not been to an indie indie club for ever, and i now remember why.

cheap booze= a good thing
friendly people= a good thing
desperate indie boy trying to chat me up = an entertaining thing (as i left - 'don't go! you're really cool!' Hah! i know that, i don't need you to tell me, gimp.....
indie indie music constantly = seriously. no. i prefer a bit of a change now and then.

i shall not be going back in a hurry!

navigated night buses myself and was home by 4.30, despite dubious group of youths on the corner of my road. harmless banter.

(no subject)

there is a fortune to be made out there for the inventor of a gadget that helps you peel oranges without straining the thumb or forefinger....

(or maybe we should eat oranges that are less tough)

edit: phew! i thought i'd missed 'calling all pensioners', but i have only missed half :)

(no subject)

there is a fortune to be made out there for the inventor of a gadget that helps you peel oranges without straining the thumb or forefinger....

(or maybe we should eat oranges that are less tough)

edit: phew! i thought i'd missed 'calling all pensioners', but i have only missed half :)